Queezy Monday

The weekend was great. I promised myself that I was not going to lay around like I did last weekend. Friday I treated myself for a manicure and a pedicure right after work. I usually get a little anxious during a mani and pedi (not sure why) but I managed to just take a deep breathe and relax. Afterwards, I waited for my son to get home from school. I waited in the driveway to prevent myself from going inside the house and go straight to our bedroom to lay down. When my son arrived from school, I asked if he would like to spend some time with me and go to the mall. We did just that for a few hours and managed to run a few errands. When we finally got home, my other half arrived from work and asked if I would like to have a "date" night. I know this is his way of him helping me. I usually say no to the "date" nights but as promised to myself I went. We went out to dinner had a few drinks and enjoyed myself. I usually have a good time when I do get myself out. The most difficult task is getting myself out really.

The next day I decided to get up early in the morning and not lay around and watch t.v. as we know laying around really gives me a lot of time to be anxious. I got up and started working on the laundry. Not my favorite thing to do but I wanted to get my mind off things. I had anxious thoughts here and there but I managed them. Even went out for dinner with my boys the same evening and enjoyed myself once again.

Yesterday I was hesitant to get up for church because of all the "what ifs" that was coming in and out of my head. But the boys managed to get me up so I got ready and went. The sermon was fantastic. Pastor preached about "reconciliation" with god. I needed to hear this. The sermon almost brought tears into my eyes. I know that it's only recently that I have reconciled with the lord. I was so detached from him until something happened and he brought me right back to him. I know he never left me but I abandoned him for a while and consumed myself with other things. I'm glad that I went and enjoyed a nice lunch with the boys after church.

Lately I have been consuming myself with a farming game I came accrossed with on facebook. It seems to be relaxing me and helping get my mind of things. It's pretty exciting to plant your seeds and harvest your crops. Not that I would do it in real life but maybe I should. My therapist did suggest gardening as another form of relaxation. But for now I'll stick to a computerize farming. It helps and I'll take it.

This morning I woke up feeling okay. Didn't get as much sleep as I wanted but I wasn't anxious waking up. But I have been struggling here at work. I have been feeling anxious here and there again. I have been feeling a little off balance and feeling a little dizzy here and there...but I'm sure it's all in my head........I just want to get through the day. I want to go home early but that's giving into my anxiety. I'm going to fight through the day. It's going to be alright. Whatever I'm feeling are just physical symptoms...I shouldn't let it scare me..nothing bad will happen...repeat..nothing bad will happen...this will be on repeat until I get home.

I long for a better day at work tomorrow....