Everything happens for a reason

I know god has a mysterious way of handling and fixing things...I often forget to remind myself that all the things that has happened in the last few months happened for a reason. If I didn't get pregnant, I wouldn't have known about the large cyst on my ovary. It's unfortunate that I lost the baby but I know god has a reason for everything. The daily struggle that I go through with my anxiety also has a reason. In my heart I believe that it's god's way to turn me back around and recognize what is really important in my life, in this lifetime. For a while, I was so blinded with what I "thought" was important to me. I was blinded with material things, hanging out and having a good time with friends etc etc...and during that time god was not present in my life. He was always in my heart but I never had a personal relationship with him. I knew he was my savior but I never gave him the time nor did I bother to get to know him. It's unfortunate that I had to go through such a battle to finally start calling out for him. I must have been so stubborn before that I never recognized him when he threw himself in front of me many times to call unto him for anything, but I ignored him. If this is what it takes for me to get to know him then I'm perfectly fine with it.

I'm going to embrace all the struggles that me and my family has gone through the last few months for I know there's a reason for it. I am happy for the struggles because it brought me closer to him and now have a personal relationship with him. I'm embracing the struggles because it made me realize that god is the center of our family and my heart. I'm embracing the struggles and the struggles that will come my way for now I know that things will be okay as long as he's behind me. I know the lord will not give me anything that I can't bare. If this is his way to call unto him...then I will call unto him not when I'm just afraid but also when things are good. I will call unto him screaming with all my heart...

I have a long way and a lot of learning to go...I know the lord will open my heart even bigger to get to know him even more and I'm happily looking forward to it.


"don't let your heart be troubled. Trust in god and trust in me" John 14:1